last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
