Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize