what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
