did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
