you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
