He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
