I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
