last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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