I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
