It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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