getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
