It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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