Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
