But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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