insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize