I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
