You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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