I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
