I wish my penis had an off switch
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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