I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
