I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i love accidental penises.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
