Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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