just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
