My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
