I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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