you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize