Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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