I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
