First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
