We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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