K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
