I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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