so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
