When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
