either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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