Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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