Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
