So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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