I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
