I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
