He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
