I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
