I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he shaved USA in his pubs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I want her autograph on my taint
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
