I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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