And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
