no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
