I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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