That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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