I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
