I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize