some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
