"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
