honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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