I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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