I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
