She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
