Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
