I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is wine microwaveable?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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