ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
