So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
