If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
