Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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