I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
