No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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