I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
