Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize