i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
