Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
