Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
